A Bit of a Vent Turned Rant

I feel like I need to get this off my chest, because it happened a couple of months ago and it's still bothering me. It was something that was said to me by a friend, and "friend" I'm going to use loosely because in recent years I've only seen this person maybe twice a year, we do not talk on the phone or text, and we rarely talk online. So maybe this person is more of an acquaintance at this point, which makes me even more uncomfortable because of the intimate nature of the question and the casual conversation in which it was asked. Also, I should point out that we were not alone at the time, and other people were actively listening in on our conversation.

After that dramatic preface, the question that was asked was, "Was your pregnancy planned?" Now most people might think this is an innocent enough question and maybe this person was just making conversation, but I personally think it was more than that. This person's tone was condescending and I immediately felt like crap. I was taken aback and answered No because I was caught off guard and had no idea what to say. But then I was left feeling like I was the jerk and that I was in the wrong, when really it was this person who should have been embarrassed for being so rude.

First of all, that is none of their damn business. I hardly know you! What makes you think you are entitled to that kind of information? No one needs to know the exact details of how a child is conceived, and I can guarantee only a handful of our closest friends and immediate family members are privy to the facts and events surrounding our pregnancy.

Second, and more importantly, people NEVER ask a married couple if their pregnancy is planned. Even if that couple had only been dating a year and married for less, no one questions their reproductive choices. But the minute someone sees a preggo without a ring, I guess that makes it fair game for rude comments and mean glares. (Side note on the ring. I have gotten SO many angry glares from people over the past few months that I started wearing a fake ring when I go out in public. It's amazing how people's attitudes have changed since then. Also I feel like it's not a complete lie, because it does reflect our commitment level, just not our legal status.)

Scott and I have been together for over 7 1/2 years, and I feel it's ridiculous that I still have to explain our relationship to people. The reason we aren't married has nothing to do with a lack of commitment, trust, or respect. Maybe our vows weren't said in front of family and friends, God, or a judge, but that doesn't make them any less meaningful to us. Do I wish we were married? Yes. Do I feel like crap when he calls me his girlfriend, like someone you take to prom? Yes. But do I understand his reasons and point of view? Also Yes. Out of respect for Scott, I won't go into more detail on his stance, but once again, these are details only our close friends and family members should have.

This friend who so casually and offensively asked me about the planning of our pregnancy probably didn't even realize that Scott and I were together for years before this person even started dating their now spouse, and how that question would feel had the tables been turned. And it hasn't been just this one person. Other people ask in more passive-aggressive ways, such as, "Oh, I didn't know you were trying to get pregnant..." A different approach, but equally as rude and hurtful.

Maybe we didn't ring in 2011 saying, Hey, let's have a baby by the end of the year! But we have been talking about spending our lives together and having a family together from the very beginning. We've always wanted to have kids together. So in that sense, YES, this baby has been planned for over half a decade, and very much wanted. With that in mind, I now tell people, Yes this baby was very much planned (even though I should say, It's none of your damn business!)